I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
