wanna go halves on a baby?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
