Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
