I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
