and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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