Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
