Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
