My nipple is on Facebook.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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