I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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