you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh god it's open bar.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
