So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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