i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
