im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
