she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
