I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
