I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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