I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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