Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
