During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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