jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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