Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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