ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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