College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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