I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
