i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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