there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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