Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
