Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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