I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
