So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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