i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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