how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
