I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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