Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
