Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
