I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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