Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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