Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
