He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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