And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
