I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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