I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
