I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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