i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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