My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
