If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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