How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
