when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
