so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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