We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
