you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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