So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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