im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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