4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night