Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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