There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
