As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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