i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
