that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
