dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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