I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
