i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
