i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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