made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
