You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
