she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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