I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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