I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
