Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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