I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
