I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
