I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
