hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
