I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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