Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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