you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
