I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
