I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
