I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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