Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
