P.S. I can't hear my feet
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
