I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
