....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
