pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
