Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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